


Lancelot du Lac

by static_abyss



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 22:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2485076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/static_abyss/pseuds/static_abyss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lancelot was born into a family of farmers. Some of his earliest memories are of sweat dripping off his father's face as they readied the earth for planting seeds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lancelot du Lac

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be for the [BBC Merlin Fest](http://bbcmerlinfest.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, but real life got in the way and I just now got around to finishing this. It's probably the only piece I finished for that fest, and it's also my favorite because Lance is my favorite and I love him. 
> 
> See end for more detailed warnings.

**_noble (adj.):_** having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals.

Lancelot was born into a family of farmers. Some of his earliest memories are of sweat dripping off his father's face as they readied the earth for planting seeds. Lancelot has memories of his mother's red face as she stood over the fire making something to eat from what little they had. He remembers his father's laughter, even while his body sank into a wooden chair in exhaustion. 

Lancelot remembers the way his father sometimes eyed the goods on the carts of richer folk. He remembers the time he and his father came across an overturned cart, how the fresh fruits almost seemed to gleam in the afternoon sunlight. Lancelot remembers well the desire on his father's face. He remembers well the soft exhales, half hunger, half desperation.

But Lancelot also remembers how his father helped the man put his cart upright, how they helped the man get every last fruit off the ground. He remembers the crisp taste of the apples the man had given them for their help.

Lancelot has seen men of noble birth cut down those weaker than them. He has heard snide comments from lords and ladies, and though Lancelot wishes his parents had a fraction of the wealth the lords and ladies have, Lancelot does not want to be like those of high birth. He knows where he comes from, can tell when is a good time to farm from the feel of the soil. Lancelot knows what hunger feels like, but his father taught him that even when they have nothing, they still have their principles.

"Help those who need your help," his father had said. "And never forget where you come from."

Lancelot would never forget, not even as he walks into Camelot. He remembers the blisters on his father's hands every time he wields a sword. He sees his mother in every woman begging on the streets of Camelot. Every time he sees the common people of Camelot, Lance remembers that he is one of them, that the "sir" in front of his name does not make him better than them, that his life is never worth more than theirs. 

 

_**brave (adj):** ready to face and endure danger or pain._

There is a code that Lancelot knows all knights live by. 

They are to obey and serve their king, and even if there were no code, Lancelot would follow Arthur because he believes in the kingdom Arthur will build. 

The knights' code says that they are to protect the weak, the sick, and the elderly. They are to respect the ladies of the court. Never to deny a challenge from an equal. They are to love Camelot and show no mercy to those who wish to harm her. The code says they must not lie, must keep their word, must always be generous.

But Lancelot has his own code. He is reminded of it every time he hears a mother crying over her dead son, in every son who takes the place of his father in defending their home. Lancelot vows never to forget where he comes from, to defend not only lords and ladies, but sickly children with little more than skin over their bones.

It is why he stands in front of a four bandits, sword in hand, in a small town just to the east of Ealdor. His chainmail is heavy on his shoulders, the red cape that signals him a knight of Camelot a hindrance, now. The four men in front of him will overpower him, might even kill him before the other knights realize that Lancelot is not with them. He might die this day, but the child cowering behind him will not. 

"Were you not afraid?" Gwaine will ask later.

"Of course I was," Lancelot will answer.

He is terrified, but his sword is weightless in his hands. He cuts down the four men with such ease, it frightens him. The town chants his name, some even kiss the hem of his cape. The town is happy, but when Lancelot leaves, he feels the weight of the four deaths on his shoulders, and he knows he will carry these men with him forever. 

 

_**gallant (adj):** (of a man or his behavior) giving special attention and respect to women; chivalrous._

He loves Gwen because she is kind and gentle, because she likes sunny mornings and the yellow flowers that grow around Camelot. Lancelot loves her because she speaks her mind and is immediately sorry for it when her opinion could hurt others. He loves her because he feels comfortable sharing his secrets with her, because he would never insult her by thinking that she cannot take care of herself.

Lancelot tells her of his mother and father, of how hard they worked so that he might eat. She tells him of her father and her brother, Elyan, of the fight after her mother died. She tells him of how her father raised her, of how he wanted so much more for her. She tells him that when she combs Lady Morgana's hair, she sometimes wishes she could have her place.

"It's wrong," she whispers to him during the day, when they can manage to speak in between their respective duties.

"It's not wrong to want," Lancelot tells her. "So long as when we do it, we are not hurting anyone."

Gwen smiles at him, and Lancelot does his best to memorize the shape of her mouth when she does.

-

He brings her little bouquets of the wildflowers that grow around Camelot. She smiles when he hands them to her, blushes, her pretty brown curls tumbling over her forehead. Lancelot loves her fiercely, loves her so much he feels as though his chest might explode from it. 

"I know," she whispers to him, as though he said the words aloud.

"My lady," Lancelot says, wishing she would understand.

"I'm not a lady," she says.

She does not know that to him, there is no distinction between Morgana and her. She does not know that not only is she a lady, but so is the baker with the missing front teeth, and so is the owner of the tavern who everyone calls "wench." 

"You are to me," he tells her.

Her smile is kind, her brown eyes curious as she tries to figure out what he means. He does not know how to tell her that he means so much more with that simple sentence. He would pledge his life to her if she would have him. If she would have him, he would do everything in his power to make them happy together. If she would have him, he would swear to listen, to understand, to really create a marriage with her.

"I love you," he says. 

She smiles as though she does not believe him, and Lancelot remembers Gwaine, how easily he flirted.

"I mean it," he says. "I love you, my lady."

"I know," she says, her tone soft. "I know."

He does not kiss her. He would never dare, not without her permission. But she looks at him, and he gazes back, and it is more intimate than any kiss could be.

"I love you," she whispers in the space between them.

And Lancelot thinks he could die then and there and never be sorry.

 

_**tragic (adj):** causing or characterized by extreme distress or sorrow._

Lancelot does not lose her, because she was never a prize or an object to lose. She chooses to give Arthur her heart, to love him, and Lancelot respects her decision. He wishes her all the best, and he means it. He cannot hate her, nor could he ever hate Arthur.

When she asks him to bring Arthur back, no matter the cost, Lancelot knows he would walk through hell and back to make it so. When Arthur chooses to sacrifice himself, he goes instead. There is never a moment of doubt in his heart. He wants to do this because he loves Gwen, because he respects Arthur, because he believes in the kingdom they will build together.

-

Camelot mourns his death, but no one, _not one_ , knows or remembers that Gwen promised she would never love another as she loved him. 

 

**_shade (noun):_** a color, esp. with regard to how light or dark it is, or as distinguished from one nearly like it.

He remembers who he is, remembers his mother's screams when the bandits came to their house. Lancelot remembers his father's blood on the walls of their home, the stench of death when the bandits finally left. He remembers being little more than a boy, standing in the middle of ruins, alone and afraid.

Lancelot remembers sweet Morgana, who pushed back his damp hair and cared for him when he could not care for himself. He remembers Arthur and Gwen laughing together while he suffered. He remembers how selfish Gwen had been in asking Lancelot to sacrifice his life for a King who barely deserved to rule.

"You were beautiful once," Morgana tells him. "But they used you for their benefit and then they tossed you aside. All of them."

Lancelot remembers lords sneering at him from their horses. He remembers ladies' disgust when he and his father walked by on their way to the markets. He remembers well how everything changed once they thought him of noble birth.

"You deserved so much more," Morgana says.

"I do," Lancelot tells her.

-

They welcome him as though he were a great hero, but Lancelot does not feel like the man they think he is. He does not feel noble or kind. There is hatred in his heart that softens to a sadness so deep it's startling when he sees Gwen.

He does not love her. He does not know how, but he understands how he might have once. Hatred as deep as the one he has for her comes only from a great love.

_How he must have loved her before_ , he thinks. 

But she is a liar. 

-

He kisses her because it will destroy her, because that is all Lancelot is good for now.

-

He remembers everything when Merlin recites his spell. It lasts only for a second, but Lancelot knows the trouble he has caused. He aches because he has betrayed his king, and because the last memory he will have of Gwen is full of hate.

Death is a relief then, and the shadows that swallow him for a second time do not scare him. He is, after all, one of them now.

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS:
> 
> There is a brief description of death in the last paragraph that takes place during Lancelot's canonical second death. Or return to wherever Morgana pulled him from. All character death is canon compliant and involves Lancelot.


End file.
